Shadow of the Tomb Raider Spoilers

So by a series of random events that I will not be elaborating on I managed to get a hold of the script for Shadow of the Tomb Raider and I now know how it all ends. Now under any other circumstances I wouldn't dream of spoiling this for anyone who is a fan of the series but for this case I'm making a exception mainly because I AM SO FUCKING PISSED RIGHT NOW!!!

So first off remember all that fantastic character development from the first two games and the tie-in comics, you can forget it all, has no baring on the plot as a whole. In fact the game goes out of it's way to mock said character development along with all insulting Sam who is killed off screen by someone who ends up being Lara's boyfriend. And yes it's Whatshisname from The Ten Thousand Immortals and his just as boring and uninteresting as he was in that book. Also, are you a fan of Lara and Sam relationship, regardless as to whether the two are friends or lovers? Well good news, it turns out that Sam was actually a Trinity agent in this game. Oh she wasn't one from the start of the series that would be stupid no. She started working with the first game. Yeah Shadow actually wipes the comics from canon and instead only treats TTTI as canon and even goes as far to recon Rise of the Tomb Raider as Lara reveals that she was totally in love with Jacob despite the fact that he was not only old enough to be her father but who's daughter was only a few years older then Lara.

Oh and not only was Sam evil but she actually was into the idea of becoming the next vessel for Himiko and that's why she turned on Lara but also went out of her way to kill Jonah, Kaz and Reyes for some contrived plot reason so the writers can have a lazy excuse to kill off everyone Lara ever knew and loved from the series as why have characters who were actually popular with fans when you can have a generic white guy who is so boring and generic I actually keep forgetting it.

So to my fellow fans of Samantha Nishimura, turns out that all that time we spent getting invested in her character was for nothing as she killed off screen but was made completely evil and hated Lara for reasons that don't even make sense in the game itself. And then they kill off everyone else we've come to know and love because why would anyone want characters who have actually proven to be rather popular with fans when you can have someone from a book that no one read be not only Lara's love interest but the real hero of the series.

Yeah remember how much I "Loved" the resent Tomb Raider movie, with Lara being made out to be more incompetent with all hers, and Sam's, achievements handed over to her father who was revealed to be alive in this version, well it turns out that wasn't just lazy writing but a tease for Shadow as the series pretty much stops being about Lara and gives as much attention as it can to Whatshisname who has to keep saving Lara from her own stupidity. And let's you think this is as bad as it gets, you ain't seen nothing yet as Lara has forgotten EVERYTHING she knows about archaeology and other cultures and showing respect for that culture as Lara and Whatshisname makes some rather terrible comments about the Mayan culture. And the worse part of this, this is used to buildup the romantic relationship between Lara and Guy Number 1. The romance is so bad in this it makes 50 Shades of Grey look like The Last Naruto Movie, it is so forced and so uncomfortable to just read this got past the development stage.

There's more things wrong with this relationship but let's go on to how the game ends and if you thought the ending of Mass Effect 3 was bad, oh boy you ain't seen nothing yet. Yes really so it's implied that Whatshisname might actually be... (sigh) Richard Croft reborn but lost his memory and that Lara is and this is right after Lara is revealed to be with child. Or maybe that was just all in my head as I'm pretty sure I burst at least three vanes after reading that, or I got a concoction from smashing my head through by TV Screen.

So, yeah, Lara is made into a secondary character in her own game and her reward for all Hell she went through is to enter into a relationship with her reincarnated father. I can only imagine that the writers of this game were huge fans of 200th Anniversary of the Avengers comic and the TNG episode The Child as that really is the only explanation that makes ANY sense.

God This Games Suck!!! ARGH

Oh and happy April 1st.